Trusting God

Today, the eve of when we were originally to be leaving for Lauren, I received this email from our agency:

Dear Guizhou Families,

I am very sorry to deliver this news, but I just received this information from our staff in Beijing (at June 1, 3:04am St. Louis time).

“The director of Guizhou local adoption center told us just now that they couldn't receive adoption families in June. She said that there was a group for touring which was just quarantined for 7 days. So Guizhou local government canceled all adoption appointments in June. They couldn't tell when they would be available for adoption appointments. I will keep contacting them every day from now to see when they would be open.”

Unfortunately until they tell us when they will be able to give us an adoption appointment, we will not be able to make any travel plans for the Guizhou group.

I am very, very sorry.

Dreams, Tears, and Kisses

I'm famous for saying, "I don't produce tears"...but come to find out...I do. Maybe a part of this wait has been to soften my heart and let my walls crumble in preparation for giving all of me to my daughter.

KISSES IN THE WIND
(for our daughter in China)

We hold you in our hearts
and touch you in our dreams.
You are here each day with us,
at least that's how it seems.

We know you wonder where we are...
what's taking us so long.
But remember child,
We love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze
and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always,
We blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand
until We can be with you.
We promise you, our darling,
We're doing all that We can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family
for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always,
We blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms
and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses
that We send to you each night.
--- Unknown

One Degree Closer to Insanity

My hotslings were delivered today. I bought them to carry Lauren with me and to help with our bonding. Well, since our travel plans are on hold, I have resorted to carrying Bailey. :)

Travel on Hold, but possible referral batch out!

It's been an extra busy week this week, so I haven't been able to post, but I wanted to post a quick note before heading out. First of all, our travel has been put on hold indefinetly until the swine flu scare is over and China allows us to travel. We have cancelled our flights and they are on hold now.

BUT...Mary may be getting her call today!! Oh I so pray she does!! I will be thinking of you all day Mary! I remember the day I got my call and I was shaking with excitement. It's been a long time coming and I am so excited that my good friend Mary may get to see her daughter's face soon! Who knows, maybe we will even travel together.

Off to clinical now...

My Baby Shower

My family and friends put on the nicest baby shower I have ever been to last Saturday. Pink Oriental laterns hung from the ceiling, music that was on my blog over the years played in the background, M&M's with Lauren's little face on them as well as her birthdate and my favorite scriptures for her, a beautiful yummy cake with one of Steph's designs on the top and personalized with Lauren's name, a garden stone made with thought and hard work that quotes, "For this Child I prayed", fun games including one called "adoption maddness" ;), the list goes on. What meant the most to me was having all my family and friends together and thinking and dreaming of Lauren's arrival very, very soon!

The Arizona Adoption Mama's made there appearance as as pictured above! :)

Thank you everyone for the beautiful, amazing, baby shower. My cheeks hurt for days from smiling so much. :)

Have Tickets--Will Travel!!

Well, things have turned around today. Our travel dates were confirmed, our Consulate appointments were made and we bought our tickets! We leave June 2nd and return June 19th! We had planned on leaving the 3rd, but tickets were much higher on that day for some reason, so our travel agent suggested the 2nd!

We are flying round trip (including our PHX to SFO trip) for $824.00/person! Pretty awesome eh? By the way, travel agent, Sue Sorrel was recommended by CHI, and she has been great to work with and got us a great price and also a good flight schedule with plenty of time between flights, etc. We are flying from SFO to Tokyo then to Beijing on Japan Airlines. Sue said it was a great airline, so we are happy!! :)

I will be truly happy once my dear friend Mary gets her referral. Please pray the referrals are sent soon.

Coping

While at work today, I thought I would check my email quickly for any news on our travel approval. I found an email that made my heart drop. I quickly told my co-worker I needed to step out for a minute and shaking, I called Mary.

The email said that our travel approval's have arrived, however...

"there is an adoptive family in Guangzhou quarantined because they took the flight Northwest 29 from US to Beijing with a passenger who is confirmed to have H1N1 (Swine Flu) yesterday. The family was dismissed from White Swan Hotel and was sent to a hotel out of the downtown Guangzhou area. The family’s body temperature is normal. The family will be quarantined 7 days and they will be free at that time, if there is no symptom like fever or flu. The family was scheduled to meet their child this afternoon, but they have no choice but to wait until after the quarantine. The guide and the driver are asked to stay at home and take body temperature everyday for 7 days. They are all under the observation of the Guangzhou Disease Control Center.This is not the only case. There is another family scheduled to meet their child this afternoon, who is quarantined in Beijing now.
So our coming families may meet the similar situation. At that time, they have no choice but to go through the quarantine process to see whether they could finish the adoption process.

CHI is not in control over the Disease Control Centers in China. So if a family is quarantined in China, CHI is not able to help the family and will not be responsible for any related financial costs.

Your travel approvals were received and we are now in the process of requesting your appointments at the American Consulate. We will need a response from each family today regarding their travel to China. The CCAA has extended the expiration date of your travel approval from 3 months to 5 months.

Yes, you wish to travel in June to China or No, you wish to delay your travel until the situation has changed in China."

After collecting myself, I responded with: Yes, I wish to get my daughter as soon as possible.

Driving home today I was exhausted and needing to just cry. I numbly pulled into my neighborhood Albertson*'s and bought the items above.

Going to China? Say. I. Wont.

TA's Have Been Mailed

Good news! TA's (Travel Approvals) have been mailed from the CCA*A. Our agency was notified today that TA's were sent out yesterday. So, we should be getting our approval soon, there are still a couple of steps before we know for sure that our travel dates are solidified and thus we cannot buy our tickets yet, but we're getting close!

Tentative travel dates subject to change:

Thurs, June 4. leave the US

Fri, June 5, arrive in BJ

Sat,June 6 , sightseeing in BJ : TianAnMen Square, Forbidden City and the Great Wall (Juyongguan), lunch is included; CHI orientation

Sun,June 7 , fly to province, ;(may meet children this day)

Mon,June 8, or meet your child and do adoption process

Tues-Sat,June 9-13 free days and sightseeing while waiting for the paperwork for your children

Sun, June 14, Fly to Guangzhou

Mon,June 15, free day

Tues, June 16, medical exam for children,

Wed, June 17.first choice for ACS appt

Thurs, June 18 take oath at the ACS and get child’s visa late in the day (depending on confirmed date at the ACS)

Fri, June 19 , return to US. (depending on the confirmed ACS appt date)


I have soo much to do. I am trying hard to not freak out and just take one thing at a time, however, there are so many unknowns and it's hard to feel prepared.

I'm really excited for my baby shower this Saturday! My mom, family, and friends have done so much for this special day. I was at my mom's house the other day and she had huge ladders in her living room and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "Preparing for your shower!" :) I have such an amazing, wonderful, supportive network around me, I truly don't know what I would be doing right now without all of you!!

Below are a couple more pictures of the nursery. The picture above the crib is Steph's artwork. It is so beautiful, the camera shot really doesn't do it justice. Thanks again Steph!

Praying for Good News

Well, it has been pretty quiet from our agency lately. The question as to whether the H1N1 flu will slow our travel approval (TA) is still to be decided. Our agency did report that so far things are running as usual unless the CCA*A (China adoptin agency) or CD*C stops travel. They also sent an email today letting us know we now have to fill out a "申报表 Declaration Form" to attach to our Visa application. This form asks us to report what US states and other countries we have visited recently. It is believed this form is in response to the flu outbreak and surveillance of who enters China.

I'm missing Lauren so much and just want to hold her tonight. I've contemplated leaving early and camping out in front of her orphanage, but I know this isn't realistic. :)

I'm also praying Mary gets her referral very soon! I want to see her daughter's beautiful little face!

I'll keep you posted!

Ain't No...

This song is dedicated to all you adoption mama's out there (you know who you are)...We can now add our own chorus of "ain't no swine flu bad enough..." :)

Panda P.J.'s!

I have been amazed at how wonderful and supportive people have been since our referral! An example of this is the cute panda p.j.'s I recieved yesterday from my new friend Suzanne, who I haven't even met yet! :) The p.j.'s are adorable and they came with a cute book too! My first thought was, "I can't wait to snuggle with Lauren in her panda pajama's and read this story to her. :) Thanks Suzanne!

Thank you Diana for the card and fun gift card, Kathy for the heartfelt card, and Kristine for the sweet card as well. I can't tell you how much your thoughtfulness means!

Where in the world is Lauren?

I thought I would post a map to show where in China Guizhou is. My new friend Holly who lives in Kaili, Guizhou wrote me a much appreciated, lengthy email, telling me all about Guizhou. She said the area that Lauren is in is very remote and mountainous, so remote that she recommended Dramamine if we were to go on the roads to her orphanage. Which by the way, CHI has said it is unlikely we will visit her orphanage. What will most likely happen (my assumption, not words from CHI) is she will be brought to us at a hotel in a major city near by. The nearest major city to Zhenfeng is hours and hours of driving per Holly. Wow, My Lauren is in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by lush, tropical beauty.

Holly also said the area Lauren is in has not been hit by any of the recent earthquakes, but has experienced a major snow storm last winter.

Another cute note Holly added was Yu (in Lauren's Chinese name) often means "fish" in Chinese and that many Chinese call their children "little fish". The symbol of a little fish is meant to be a symbol of good luck in China.

Well, I'm off to plan and do as much as I can in preparation for leaving. Yes, I've just pulled out my suitcases and am packing travel items I bought today at Target such as travel Tide, etc. :) I also bought her a swimsuit for fun at the hotel pool and a little sundress I am thinking she may wear the day we go to court and she becomes legally ours. :)

Oh, and Ann wrote from Red Thread China..Lauren received her care package!

Tentative Travel Dates

Our tentative travel dates per our agency are: June 4-18th!
Our 10th Anniversary is June 12th. We can't think of a better way to spend our special day than with our Daughter in China! :)

Well, it literally seems like I blinked my eyes and 13 days has gone by. Here is what we've been doing in preparation of our new life with Lauren:

1) Care package was sent off with a letter written to her nannies thanking them for their wonderful care of our daughter.

2) Sent a request to obtain Lauren's "finding ad" which will give us her earliest picture. The finding ad is the newspaper ad the police put out when she was found. (They do this to make sure she wasn't lost.)

3) I've spent hours searching for any pictures of the orphanage or the hospital she was found at, to no avail. What I have found is that the area she is in, is extremely remote and there are just not pictures available via internet. I hope we can visit her orphanage when we are there and possibly even the hospital, so that we can get pitctures. I want to give Lauren as complete of a story as possible. I have found pictures of Guizhou in general, which I've posted prior, it's so beautiful! Also, I have had awesome people write me who live in Guizhou and offer to answer any questions I may have about the area. I've been overwhelmed with the generosity of these people who don't even know me! Thank you if you're reading this!

4) Took the picture Stephanie made for us to be framed, it will hang over Lauren's crib.

5) Registered for our baby shower at Babies R Us. This was so fun! It was also a little challenging because we only have a little information about her and any information we do have is 5 months old, but we did our best and it was wonderful thinking and planning for our future with our girl. :)

6) I've been gathering clothes that friends and family have given me over the years and I finally was able to sit down and go through all the clothes and pick out what I think will fit Lauren and have set them aside. I plan to wash them all in hypoallergenic detergent today and get them ready to be packed. I am taking 12-18 month clothes. Since she was in 9 month clothes at 15 months, I'm guessing she will be in 12-18 months clothes at age 21 months. I'm bringing diaper cloth pins that Donna recommended to sinch up any waistpants that are too big. I'm hoping to get an update from my agency regarding Lauren's wt/ht. before we go. If all else fails, we'll just go shopping in China! :)

7) I printed the packing list that Donna used for her trip. Thanks Donna for sharing all your tips,etc.! I plan to go off of her packing list and tweek it specifically for our trip. I'll post this later for my bloggy friends who will be leaving just behind us!

8) More paperwork was filled out, signed, and sent off to Missouri and then to China.

9) Searching for the best flights available within our tentative times. By the way, mom makes an awesome travel agent! Thanks mom! :)

10) Each night I go to bed I know Lauren is just starting her day in China and I pray for her day and am praying God prepares her heart for our arrival and the huge changes to come.

Last night, as I closed my eyes, I could almost feel her in my arms and what it will feel like to kiss her fingers. Parenting is humbling and has caused me to rely on God even more lately. I want what is best for Lauren and only God knows this, so I rely on Him to show me.

Thank you God for this miracle in our lives, you truly give life abundantly....

Care Package

First of all, let me Thank Stephanie for this beautiful blog makeover! She is absolutely wonderful and I cannot express how thankful I am that I have met someone as special as her on my Journey to Lauren.

Things are happening quicker than I can keep up with here. Monday we got the FedEx package, Dan and I excitedly ran to the couch and opened it,only to find most of the information was in Chinese! :) I could decifer from the lab results that she was doing great,however, she most likely had a cold at the time and she was a little anemic (which is very typical at her age). We were told we would need to wait approx. 2 weeks for the translation. However, Yesterday, I received the translated information via email!

Lauren is doing soo great! She is talkative, likes music and dancing, likes to play with toys and especially dolls. She was able to scribble, hold a lollipop in her hand, walk up and down stairs, and the list goes on! They really gave us a lot of information. I also found out that our referral pictures and wt/ht. information is from when she was 15 months old. So, she's probably grown some since. As a side note, after I read the details of who Lauren is and what she has been going through, I broke down and cried for the first time. I love her so much already.

I found an awesome site through Seventh Diamond called redthreadchina.com. I sent a care package to Lauren using this site. The pictures of the items I chose are pictured above. It includes, a disposable camera, candy for the nannies, a letter, a music bear, a photo album, and a pink and white blanket. Ann is the lady who runs this company and she is wonderful! I wrote a letter to Lauren's nannies which Ann will translate and deliver with my care package. I also sent her 6 photos that she will download and put into the photo album. How awesome,eh??

I just wanted to share also, the amazing peace I have felt since Friday. I always wondered how I would be able to stand the 6-8 weeks of waiting after seeing my sweet Lauren's face. However, I am so at peace that Lauren is happy and healthy. Don't get me wrong, I cannot wait to get my hands on her, but I just wanted to share how I was doing.

Make a Smilebox photobook

Guizhou

While waiting for our stork to arrive tomorrow to deliver more information about Lauren, I have found the information below. Guizhou is the province of China where Lauren is. It's humid and rainy most days and today's weather forecast is 46 degrees with 20% rain, thunderstorms are to come later this week. Also, thanks to the good eyes of my best friend Jen, I have found out that the cage behind Lauren in one of the pictures, is a bird cage! Jen spotted the bird and to my relief, I saw it too and now know that Lauren has a little bird friend..and that that is not her crib! yeah! :)


Guizhou:

The terrain is rugged, with karst formations, underground rivers, jagged peaks, dramatic valleys, and terraced rice fields. Guizhou, with its rich historic heritage, has spectacular waterfalls, national forests, and awesome scenery. The major cities include capital city Guiyang, Zunyi, Anshun, Duyun, Kali, and Liupenshui.

Thank You Terri, Mary, and Stephanie!

I just got home and had a beautiful flower arrangement waiting for me! Thank you "Lauren's Aunties!!" What an amazing group of friends I have. Lauren is loved by so many and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Our Miracle....

I will not make you wait any longer!! Here she is!! :)

Thank you God...

WE GOT THE CALL!!!!!!

My morning started with thinking, well, it's friday, we probably will have to wait to get the call next week. I then went to work were I was taking my ACLS certification class and checked in on my email from a computer in the library. I saw a message from Stephanie and froze. She said people were getting calls! Oh my gosh! My body started to tremble, I felt nauseous, and grabbed my phone to make sure I hadn't missed a call. nothing. I then went into my class, told the instructor right away that I was expecting a phone call and If I got it I would be leaving!! Well at 0930 I got the call! I went into the hospital Lobby where a pianist was playing "How Greath Thou Art" in the background and I asked as many questions as I could think of about our daughter.

I then called Dan and we went through a whole spectrum of emotions on the phone together. Dan was driving to work and yelled out "I can't teach now!" :)

I then called my mom and talked like a chipmunk on speed I was so excited to tell her all I knew.

Then I went back into the classroom numb and in shock and the whole room stopped and cheered and clapped. I entered the classroom thinking I was getting my stuff and going home, but then just sat down! I knew Dan wasn't going to be home until later and I thought, well, I guess I'll finish this certification now, I need to right? As I sat there I thought, am I a bad mom! It felt all so surreal! I've heard of so many other's getting their call...but I got MY call!!! Lauren swirled through my mind and I couldn't eat lunch or think of anything else but... I am a mom!!

I just got home, Dan called and is on his way and we will then open our email together and see Lauren's face for the first time.

Here is what I know so far:

Her Chinese Name: Zhen Yu Yao
Birthday: August 5, 2007 (19 months old)
Providence: Guizhou
Orphanage: Social Welfare Institute of ZhenFeng county
Height: 27.6 inches
Weight: 15.6 pounds

The CHI social worker said she was looking at her picture and she looked "sad", but that I would bring a smile to her face soon. (this makes my heart cry). I noticed that her weight is well below the normal for her age, but I also know that the growth charts are different for asian girls and also that she will pick up her weight once we get her home.

The biggest heartbreak is that she is 19 months old. Since we had said as young as possible and no older than 12 months, I was expecting a little one who hadn't been waiting so long. I think of all I have done and all she has gone through without my being with her. Her first birthday, etc. I love her soo much. I want to be in China right now.

As soon as Danny gets home we will look at our daugher for the first time. I have the most amazing husband and I can't wait to see him be a daddy.

I will post her picture tonight.

I am filled with love, and tears, and wonder....

No call yet...

I have never checked my email, phone, or rumor queen more than I have the past few days!! Dan's cell phone broke two days ago and it was priority #1 to go and get a new phone Stat! He now has a new phone and we both have our cell phones glued to our hips. Thank you all for the emails, calls, etc. I really cannot tell you how much we appreciate having our family and friends brimming with excitement right along with us! :)

Hopefully, my next post is "the call" post!