Pearl River

Mom sent me the link to this awesome organization called Pearl River, I thought I would share it here. Also, check out Amazima ministry, the link is to the right.

While we keep our phones close by and are anxiously awaiting THE call, we are excited and having so much fun dreaming and preparing for our Lauren!

Our agency called the other day while I was at work, I called them back with my heart racing and my co-workers standing anxiously behind me, only to find that they were making sure they had the correct phone numbers and to see if I had any questions. I swear they are trying to send me over the edge! :)

I'll keep everyone posted as soon as I know anything!

Faith & Signs

I found I had time for a run yesterday and was so thankful for this much needed time to be alone and reflect. The weather was perfect, wisps of clouds and 70 degree weather. As I tuned out the world, watched the birds and rabbits, listened to my favorite tunes, my mind was able to reflect on these past 4 years of waiting for Lauren. The highs and lows, the doubts, patiently listening to strangers give their advice, the inspiration of friends and family, the friendships I have found on the way...the realization washed over me that we are next. Next to recieve our referral, next to see Lauren's sweet face.

My mind at times wandered also to how against all common sense our move is. At a time where the economy is faltering, people are losing their jobs... at a time that we should be saving...we are about to deplete our savings account and go to China. God reminded me at this time, of his clear signs he gave us at the beginning that seem so long ago now. The drive home from our Memorial Day camping trip in 2005, the night drive to San Diego a few months later, where Dan and I got chills the sign was so clear. The sign that we were to walk in faith and start the process of adopting our Lauren.

Well, little did I know I would be recieving another sign at the end of my run. As my mind swayed between doubt and excitement, I noticed school was just letting out as I ran by. Dollar signs, calculations, thoughts of my uncle who just lost his job were swarming my mind and then the sign...

A little 4-year-old Chinese girl with long black hair, pink pants and a flowered top came running right toward me with her arms stretched out..running as fast as she could with a huge smile on her face and looking what seemed to be directly at me. As she got closer I could hear her voice over my music saying, "Mommy!!" My heart dropped and tears almost sprang up. In seconds she ran just past me to her mom that was just behind me. I instantly looked up to the sky and knew God was giving me a glimpse into my future and letting me know, it will all be worth the wait and that God is in control. I will never forget these signs from God. He has been amazing over these years.

Thank you all who have followed our journey to Lauren. Please know you will be the first to know when I have seen her face. :)

I love all of you and am so thankful for your encouragement, letters, cards, friendships, encouraging words, and most of all for your Faith.

Waiting

Being next on our agencies list has brought me to a new level in this waiting process. What was once on the back burner, is now nearer than ever. What my heart guarded, my dreams and thoughts are now unchaining. Visions of her hands, her smile, her eyes, her laugh, surround my dreams these days. I still have yet to open completely, but the reality is there like never before...I am soon to be a mom.

Recently, I've also found myself drawing closer to God. Reading books I haven't read since my mission trip to India. Books like Keith Green's "A call in the Wilderness" and Amy Carmichael's "A Chance to Die". I find God giving me strength during what is one of the biggest faith steps I have ever taken. Because, accompanying my dreams of Lauren, are doubts and fears. Fears that she won't love me back, fears that attachment won't occur. Fears...which I know are the opposite of faith. I continue to push the fears aside and wait and believe that the words I heard from God years ago, are still true today.

An additional challenge lately has been my pediatric rotations for school. I am thoroughly enjoying the children and learning all I can to provide the best care I can for them. However, each time I sit and talk to a mom about the importance of attachment, benefits of breastfeeding, Trust vs. Mistrust phase of infancy, evidence that leaving a child to cry for long periods of time is not healthy...my heart tightens.

Dan and I watched Fireproof tonight and when I heard this song by John Waller, I thought, I've got to put that on my blog. The words could have been written by me right now.

Happy CNY!

We're just two water Ox, waiting in the year of the Ox, for our little Rat. :)

Not Us..This Month.

Just an update, the batch was not "us big", however, the CCAA has sent out referrals and they are now up to March 2, 2006. We are the next referral group for our agency, so we are very very close!! The next referral batch will go out around the beginning of March, so we will see if Lauren is matched with us at this time. For now, we are baby proofing the house, lowering the crib mattress, and thinking and praying for Lauren. As she lays in her crib, we are comforted by knowing God is with her.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, excitement, and anticipation! I will keep you updated!

Time

After almost 3 years of watching from afar, there are signs that our time is just around the corner. Surreal...I sit at the computer putting in my school schedule and in the back of my mind, I wonder which day I will seat myself on a plane that will take me to my daughter. As I input my school dates, Dan is playing our messages from the bedroom. It's our adoption agency wanting to let us know we are very close to being matched and they want to talk about this next step for us. Us...they are calling us. I then check "Rumor Queen" and she is talking about rumors of a possible large batch this next month. How big? Us big???

Happy New Year!

(Dossier's being moved ahead! I wonder if one of these is ours!)

I hope you all had a great Holiday season! Dan and I had a fantastic time! I worked a lot the week of Christmas so that I could take some time off the following week (trying to save all my PTO for our trip to China). It was the first year we didn't put a tree up, which felt strange, but since we were not going to be home much it didn't seem to make sense to put up a tree. The 28th we celebrated Dan's brother's wedding and the 29th we headed up north to the Red Setter Inn. Ahhh...there is nothing like this place! We took the owner's up on their offer of free snow shoes and had a blast trekking through the snowy trails. Skiing was the best we have ever had as well. LOTS of snow and we had such a great time skiing, laughing, and falling together. :) I will post pictures soon. I don't have them downloaded off the camera yet.

As far as our little Lauren goes, we are getting closer! If you don't already know, the CCAA is now up to February 28, 2006. We are March 7,2006. So, Lauren has most likely been born, left by her loving birth mother in a safe place, found by a chinese man or women, and placed in the arms of her nanny at the orphanage and now awaiting us. From video's of orphanages in China, she is most likely enjoying tummy time at least once a day and is surrounded by her friends who, like her, are waiting for their mommies and daddies to come hold them and love them forever. We're coming Lauren!I can't wait to see your face for the first time. :)

My Favorite Time of Year

I love this time of year. Memories of Grandma's kitchen, laughing with family around a game of Monopoly or Trivia Pursuit, Dad kissing mom under the misseltoe, my cherished 3-story Barbie house gift, the year Rudolph got in the house and we found the kitchen chairs flipped upside down with carrot pieces scattered, waiting FOREVER for mom and dad to get ready so we could go downstairs and see what santa brought, the night I heard Santa say "ho ho ho" and I froze in bed and squeezed my eyes shut hoping he wouldn't know I was still awake, helping mom make pies, snuggling with dad after a big meal and learning about football and hearing dad yell at the ref's, walking down to the "corner store" to get last minute items, standing out in the quiet, cold, snow-filled night and looking in on my grandma's house filled with those I love and hearing the laughter and fun...Christmas is a magical time of year.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I pray you all are surrounded by those you love this Thanksgiving holiday.

As for Dan and I we will start the morning by running the Turkey Trot 5K and then head off to Dan's parents. Friday we will watch the Thanksgiving parade from DVR and put up Christmas decorations (and have a glass of eggnog or 2 I'm sure). Saturday morning I will bake pies and sweet potatoe casserole and we'll head to mom's for our Thanksgiving celebration at her house. Sunday we're going hiking on a new trail that was just created in our neighborhood.

A Step Closer

The CCAA recently matched waiting families with their precious daughters once again, thus moving our paperwork up in line. The cut off date was officially posted as 2/17/06. They are inching toward us and it is all starting to feel a little less surreal. I am watching families who are in China now and cannot even imagine that it will be us there soon.

M2

Having fun with my students last weekend. We are showing our "M2" sign which is the clinical group we are. :)

Need a little comic relief? Look on...

Boy Scout Video

Homestudy

We're off to meet our social worker at Starbuck's for our third homestudy! You know what they say, third times a charm! :)

Our Journey Thus Far

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Homestudy, expenses, doubt...answer.

As I wrote the check for our third home study and watched the market drop yet again, I questioned just how we were going to financially do all of this. Paperwork, plane tickets, mandatory donations, etc. are still to come after spending much of our savings on infertility treatments and our adoption paperwork thus far. As the CCAA moves closer to us, I have been filled with excitement and fear. So Dan and I prayed that God would show us a sign that we were still making the right decision and that we should continue to move forward. After writing the check I went to view our finances online and saw an unexpected scholarship was given to me and $1,200 was deposited into my account. Well, needless to say, we got our reply and we continue to step out in faith!

God is Good!!

By the way the CCAA has now matched up to 2/15/06...we are soo close!(Our LID is 3/7/06) Lauren is most likely born and waiting for us. I pray for her everyday and love her so much! We're coming Lauren!

Powerful Reminder

Fingerprints and more!

Just back from sending yet another set of fingerprints off to the courts! Friday we will fill out our I-600A and send this off and then set up our homestudy for the third time!

I went in to the UPS store to mail my fingerprints and the owner, who I got to know well when we were first putting our dossier together, almost fell over when he saw that I was still in the paperwork stage of our adoption. It did make me realize how LONG this process has been. I remember taking my little nephew as a newborn in with me to send dossier paperwork out, now he's 3 years old!

I have to say though, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. CCAA is less than a month away from our LID! woohoo! :)

Please Stop and Pray

I am passing on this request for prayer for this sweet little girl. This is a couple who recently went to get their little girl from China. Imagine all the waiting and work to get your baby girl, finally the time arrives that you have been hoping for, the time you will hold and love your daughter and take her home... and to find she is very ill and in the hospital.

This picture speaks a million words to me and just verifies that adoption is truly a miracle of God. I can only imagine the little girls perspective, she's sick, she doesn't have any parents that she knows of, and in walks "mommy and daddy". God IS so good.

Please pray this families paperwork will be processed quickly and that they can get their little girl to a place to receive the treatment she needs.

As a side note, I have no idea if her illness is connected with my previous post.

Health Crisis in China

6200 children and counting have been affected by a tainted formula scandal. The link below gives details. Please pray for these little ones, and I can only wonder if our little girls are being affected as well.

Tainted Baby Formula in China

9/11

Today we remember the tragedy that hit our country 7 years ago.

All week we have been watching our neighbor's girl in the mornings and I have been walking her to school each morning. Yesterday, I was floored when a little boy walked up to me and said, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" I said, "What?" (expecting him to say his birthday or something along those lines). Instead, he replied with a sad face, "The anniversary of the twin towers". Wow,I was encouraged to see this boy who was barely born at the time, affected by 9/11 and remembering.

Today, I witnessed children riding to school with American flags sticking out of their backpacks and I was taken aback again! Good signs for our future!