Our Anniversary Weekend

What an amazing time away. We sat by the pool reading, listening to the waterfalls all around, and talking about our past 10 years together.


Each night there was entertainment at the open lobby bar. So relaxing...we sat under the stars, enjoyed a glass of wine, and listened to the beautiful music.


On Friday afternoon there was a Native American Dance that was so fun to watch!This hoop dancer was extremely talented! He could "jump rope" with a small little hoop!


Danny wrote me a letter that was absolutely beautiful, I will cherish it forever. It's the greatest gift I have ever recieved from him.

What an amazing journey we have had together this far. I am forever grateful to God for placing Danny in my life and allowing me to live each day with this incredible man. We know this 10 year anniversay also marks a chapter in our lives that is soon to close and a new, exciting, wonderful chapter is to start. Just 3 weeks until we make the most miraculous trip we've ever taken. We will hold our daughter for the first time and I cannot even fathom how that will feel. We are so incredibly blessed...

Cautiously Excited!!

Just back from our wonderful anniversary getaway and I have good news! We bought our tickets to China yesterday! We received news from our agency that we have now been given confirmed approval from Guizhou adoption center and the ACIS for us to travel! I thought my friend Bella stated it perfectly...we are cautiously excited!

We had to laugh when we opened our hotel door Friday morning to the USA Today lying at the door step with a picture of two little girls from Hong Kong wearing their H1N1protective masks on the front page! :) This is going to be quite the trip. There is a pretty high probability that we may be quarantined while there, but we really don't mind at this point. Just get us to Lauren! :)

We stopped by REI on the way home and bought a few more travel items including a luggage scale. I thought I'd leave you a link to Waiting for LaurenElizabeth's blog. She has a great, detailed travel list and great travel tips. When going to her site, click on 2008 in the archives on the right and you will see her travel tip posts.

24 sleeps until China!!!

Anniversary Get Away

Tomorrow Dan and I celebrate our 10th Anniversary. What an amazing 10 years...we are headed now to the Gainey Ranch Hyatt in Scottsdale for 3 nights. We have never stayed here before, but it has amazing amenities. Gondola rides, pools, sand beaches, outdoor bar, spa, etc. So.. after just spending 6 hours at the computer finishing school assignments...I am off to spend hours just looking into Danny's eyes. :)

Speaking of eyes, we will see Lauren's eyes face to face July 12th! We received a wonderful email today that notified us that Guizhou adoption center is now stating we can pick up Lauren on July 12th! This means we will leave approx. July 7th! We are just waiting for one more confirmation from the US embassy and we can then book our flights again!! woohoo!

I'll post later with pictures of our trip!

Buying Bows

Last night Dan and I met with a few of our travel group members that live nearby and had dinner at Mimi's. We had such a good time! One of the girls has been to China before and had great tips! One I hadn't thought about was to call our bank and credit card company to let them know we would be traveling in China so they wouldn't deny our purchases. Also, she said we can easily go to ATM's and get money using our debit card, so no need to bring Yuan with us. What a blessing to have met these wonderful people in our group and I look forward to our trip even more now!

This morning, I am up shopping for bows! Seventh Diamond has started her own shop and her bows are unique and wonderful! Click on the picture above to go check out her boutique!

Agency Update

I just recieved the following email from our agency. There is still an "IF" in this email, however, it's something! :)

Dear Guizhou families,

I received this information from our BJ Staff.

“The appeal letter has helped.

I contacted Guizhou local adoption center and the director gave us an approximate travel date. She said that if the H1N1 flu is not getting worse, they would like to receive our families in the middle of July. I have sent the appointment request for July 13th to meet the children. She told me to check with her early next week and she would confirm the date by June 10th.

Please see the tentative itinerary of Guizhou group below. Please do not let families book their airline tickets until all dates are confirmed. We have to change the ACS appts when the adoption date is confirmed.”

For: Guizhou
Fri, July 10-arrive in BJ
Sat, July 11- sightseeing in BJ
Sun, July 12-travel to province
Mon, July 13-receive children
Tues, July 14-adoption process
Wed-Fri, July 15 - 17-sightseeing and free days
Fri, July 17-fly to GZ in the evening
Sat: July 18-Medical in GZ in the morning
Sun: July 19 – free day
Mon: July 20-free day
Tues, July 21-free day (will receive children’s passports from Guizhou)
Wed, July 22- appt at ACS (first choice)
Thurs, July 23-take oath
Fri, July 24, departure from Guangzhou (depends of date of ACS appt)


p.s. I have no idea why I chose this picture...I really am going crazy over here!:)

Dan and I went to see "UP" yesterday. We went looking for laughs and a good time. We did laugh and had a great time, but something surprising happened during the movie. As we sat arm in arm, my head on his shoulder, together with our 3D glass on,tears were streaming down our cheeks! It was such an endearing movie! It has a lot of great life lessons and it renewed our gratefulness for our present state. The Now. What a wonderful life God has given us. Our marriage, our joy-filled pup, our beautiful daughter with her red shoes, our families...life is just so good! I have been tempted recently to be angry at my current situation with our wait seeming endless, but this movie reminded me that everyday counts and is a blessing.

If you haven't seen this movie, grab a kleenex box, your 3D glasses and go have a wonderful time!! I give it 4 Stars! :)

Worth It All

When things go wrong
and sometimes they will
when the road you are struggling in
Is a twisted hill

When you need help
and the debts are high,
you want to smile
But you have to sigh

When care is pressing
you down a bit
rest if you must
But never quit

Life is hard
during its twists and turns
as everyone of us
Sometimes learns

And many a failure
will turn about
when we might have won
Had we stuck it out

Never give up
though the pace seems slow
you just may succeed
With another blow

You never can tell
how close you are
it may be near
and still seem so far

Stick to the fight
when at your hardest hit
its when things seem worse
That you must never quit
~by Felipe Gomez

Trusting God

Today, the eve of when we were originally to be leaving for Lauren, I received this email from our agency:

Dear Guizhou Families,

I am very sorry to deliver this news, but I just received this information from our staff in Beijing (at June 1, 3:04am St. Louis time).

“The director of Guizhou local adoption center told us just now that they couldn't receive adoption families in June. She said that there was a group for touring which was just quarantined for 7 days. So Guizhou local government canceled all adoption appointments in June. They couldn't tell when they would be available for adoption appointments. I will keep contacting them every day from now to see when they would be open.”

Unfortunately until they tell us when they will be able to give us an adoption appointment, we will not be able to make any travel plans for the Guizhou group.

I am very, very sorry.

Dreams, Tears, and Kisses

I'm famous for saying, "I don't produce tears"...but come to find out...I do. Maybe a part of this wait has been to soften my heart and let my walls crumble in preparation for giving all of me to my daughter.

KISSES IN THE WIND
(for our daughter in China)

We hold you in our hearts
and touch you in our dreams.
You are here each day with us,
at least that's how it seems.

We know you wonder where we are...
what's taking us so long.
But remember child,
We love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze
and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always,
We blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand
until We can be with you.
We promise you, our darling,
We're doing all that We can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family
for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always,
We blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms
and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses
that We send to you each night.
--- Unknown

One Degree Closer to Insanity

My hotslings were delivered today. I bought them to carry Lauren with me and to help with our bonding. Well, since our travel plans are on hold, I have resorted to carrying Bailey. :)

Travel on Hold, but possible referral batch out!

It's been an extra busy week this week, so I haven't been able to post, but I wanted to post a quick note before heading out. First of all, our travel has been put on hold indefinetly until the swine flu scare is over and China allows us to travel. We have cancelled our flights and they are on hold now.

BUT...Mary may be getting her call today!! Oh I so pray she does!! I will be thinking of you all day Mary! I remember the day I got my call and I was shaking with excitement. It's been a long time coming and I am so excited that my good friend Mary may get to see her daughter's face soon! Who knows, maybe we will even travel together.

Off to clinical now...

My Baby Shower

My family and friends put on the nicest baby shower I have ever been to last Saturday. Pink Oriental laterns hung from the ceiling, music that was on my blog over the years played in the background, M&M's with Lauren's little face on them as well as her birthdate and my favorite scriptures for her, a beautiful yummy cake with one of Steph's designs on the top and personalized with Lauren's name, a garden stone made with thought and hard work that quotes, "For this Child I prayed", fun games including one called "adoption maddness" ;), the list goes on. What meant the most to me was having all my family and friends together and thinking and dreaming of Lauren's arrival very, very soon!

The Arizona Adoption Mama's made there appearance as as pictured above! :)

Thank you everyone for the beautiful, amazing, baby shower. My cheeks hurt for days from smiling so much. :)

Have Tickets--Will Travel!!

Well, things have turned around today. Our travel dates were confirmed, our Consulate appointments were made and we bought our tickets! We leave June 2nd and return June 19th! We had planned on leaving the 3rd, but tickets were much higher on that day for some reason, so our travel agent suggested the 2nd!

We are flying round trip (including our PHX to SFO trip) for $824.00/person! Pretty awesome eh? By the way, travel agent, Sue Sorrel was recommended by CHI, and she has been great to work with and got us a great price and also a good flight schedule with plenty of time between flights, etc. We are flying from SFO to Tokyo then to Beijing on Japan Airlines. Sue said it was a great airline, so we are happy!! :)

I will be truly happy once my dear friend Mary gets her referral. Please pray the referrals are sent soon.

Coping

While at work today, I thought I would check my email quickly for any news on our travel approval. I found an email that made my heart drop. I quickly told my co-worker I needed to step out for a minute and shaking, I called Mary.

The email said that our travel approval's have arrived, however...

"there is an adoptive family in Guangzhou quarantined because they took the flight Northwest 29 from US to Beijing with a passenger who is confirmed to have H1N1 (Swine Flu) yesterday. The family was dismissed from White Swan Hotel and was sent to a hotel out of the downtown Guangzhou area. The family’s body temperature is normal. The family will be quarantined 7 days and they will be free at that time, if there is no symptom like fever or flu. The family was scheduled to meet their child this afternoon, but they have no choice but to wait until after the quarantine. The guide and the driver are asked to stay at home and take body temperature everyday for 7 days. They are all under the observation of the Guangzhou Disease Control Center.This is not the only case. There is another family scheduled to meet their child this afternoon, who is quarantined in Beijing now.
So our coming families may meet the similar situation. At that time, they have no choice but to go through the quarantine process to see whether they could finish the adoption process.

CHI is not in control over the Disease Control Centers in China. So if a family is quarantined in China, CHI is not able to help the family and will not be responsible for any related financial costs.

Your travel approvals were received and we are now in the process of requesting your appointments at the American Consulate. We will need a response from each family today regarding their travel to China. The CCAA has extended the expiration date of your travel approval from 3 months to 5 months.

Yes, you wish to travel in June to China or No, you wish to delay your travel until the situation has changed in China."

After collecting myself, I responded with: Yes, I wish to get my daughter as soon as possible.

Driving home today I was exhausted and needing to just cry. I numbly pulled into my neighborhood Albertson*'s and bought the items above.

Going to China? Say. I. Wont.

TA's Have Been Mailed

Good news! TA's (Travel Approvals) have been mailed from the CCA*A. Our agency was notified today that TA's were sent out yesterday. So, we should be getting our approval soon, there are still a couple of steps before we know for sure that our travel dates are solidified and thus we cannot buy our tickets yet, but we're getting close!

Tentative travel dates subject to change:

Thurs, June 4. leave the US

Fri, June 5, arrive in BJ

Sat,June 6 , sightseeing in BJ : TianAnMen Square, Forbidden City and the Great Wall (Juyongguan), lunch is included; CHI orientation

Sun,June 7 , fly to province, ;(may meet children this day)

Mon,June 8, or meet your child and do adoption process

Tues-Sat,June 9-13 free days and sightseeing while waiting for the paperwork for your children

Sun, June 14, Fly to Guangzhou

Mon,June 15, free day

Tues, June 16, medical exam for children,

Wed, June 17.first choice for ACS appt

Thurs, June 18 take oath at the ACS and get child’s visa late in the day (depending on confirmed date at the ACS)

Fri, June 19 , return to US. (depending on the confirmed ACS appt date)


I have soo much to do. I am trying hard to not freak out and just take one thing at a time, however, there are so many unknowns and it's hard to feel prepared.

I'm really excited for my baby shower this Saturday! My mom, family, and friends have done so much for this special day. I was at my mom's house the other day and she had huge ladders in her living room and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "Preparing for your shower!" :) I have such an amazing, wonderful, supportive network around me, I truly don't know what I would be doing right now without all of you!!

Below are a couple more pictures of the nursery. The picture above the crib is Steph's artwork. It is so beautiful, the camera shot really doesn't do it justice. Thanks again Steph!

Praying for Good News

Well, it has been pretty quiet from our agency lately. The question as to whether the H1N1 flu will slow our travel approval (TA) is still to be decided. Our agency did report that so far things are running as usual unless the CCA*A (China adoptin agency) or CD*C stops travel. They also sent an email today letting us know we now have to fill out a "申报表 Declaration Form" to attach to our Visa application. This form asks us to report what US states and other countries we have visited recently. It is believed this form is in response to the flu outbreak and surveillance of who enters China.

I'm missing Lauren so much and just want to hold her tonight. I've contemplated leaving early and camping out in front of her orphanage, but I know this isn't realistic. :)

I'm also praying Mary gets her referral very soon! I want to see her daughter's beautiful little face!

I'll keep you posted!

Ain't No...

This song is dedicated to all you adoption mama's out there (you know who you are)...We can now add our own chorus of "ain't no swine flu bad enough..." :)

Panda P.J.'s!

I have been amazed at how wonderful and supportive people have been since our referral! An example of this is the cute panda p.j.'s I recieved yesterday from my new friend Suzanne, who I haven't even met yet! :) The p.j.'s are adorable and they came with a cute book too! My first thought was, "I can't wait to snuggle with Lauren in her panda pajama's and read this story to her. :) Thanks Suzanne!

Thank you Diana for the card and fun gift card, Kathy for the heartfelt card, and Kristine for the sweet card as well. I can't tell you how much your thoughtfulness means!

Where in the world is Lauren?

I thought I would post a map to show where in China Guizhou is. My new friend Holly who lives in Kaili, Guizhou wrote me a much appreciated, lengthy email, telling me all about Guizhou. She said the area that Lauren is in is very remote and mountainous, so remote that she recommended Dramamine if we were to go on the roads to her orphanage. Which by the way, CHI has said it is unlikely we will visit her orphanage. What will most likely happen (my assumption, not words from CHI) is she will be brought to us at a hotel in a major city near by. The nearest major city to Zhenfeng is hours and hours of driving per Holly. Wow, My Lauren is in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by lush, tropical beauty.

Holly also said the area Lauren is in has not been hit by any of the recent earthquakes, but has experienced a major snow storm last winter.

Another cute note Holly added was Yu (in Lauren's Chinese name) often means "fish" in Chinese and that many Chinese call their children "little fish". The symbol of a little fish is meant to be a symbol of good luck in China.

Well, I'm off to plan and do as much as I can in preparation for leaving. Yes, I've just pulled out my suitcases and am packing travel items I bought today at Target such as travel Tide, etc. :) I also bought her a swimsuit for fun at the hotel pool and a little sundress I am thinking she may wear the day we go to court and she becomes legally ours. :)

Oh, and Ann wrote from Red Thread China..Lauren received her care package!

Tentative Travel Dates

Our tentative travel dates per our agency are: June 4-18th!
Our 10th Anniversary is June 12th. We can't think of a better way to spend our special day than with our Daughter in China! :)

Well, it literally seems like I blinked my eyes and 13 days has gone by. Here is what we've been doing in preparation of our new life with Lauren:

1) Care package was sent off with a letter written to her nannies thanking them for their wonderful care of our daughter.

2) Sent a request to obtain Lauren's "finding ad" which will give us her earliest picture. The finding ad is the newspaper ad the police put out when she was found. (They do this to make sure she wasn't lost.)

3) I've spent hours searching for any pictures of the orphanage or the hospital she was found at, to no avail. What I have found is that the area she is in, is extremely remote and there are just not pictures available via internet. I hope we can visit her orphanage when we are there and possibly even the hospital, so that we can get pitctures. I want to give Lauren as complete of a story as possible. I have found pictures of Guizhou in general, which I've posted prior, it's so beautiful! Also, I have had awesome people write me who live in Guizhou and offer to answer any questions I may have about the area. I've been overwhelmed with the generosity of these people who don't even know me! Thank you if you're reading this!

4) Took the picture Stephanie made for us to be framed, it will hang over Lauren's crib.

5) Registered for our baby shower at Babies R Us. This was so fun! It was also a little challenging because we only have a little information about her and any information we do have is 5 months old, but we did our best and it was wonderful thinking and planning for our future with our girl. :)

6) I've been gathering clothes that friends and family have given me over the years and I finally was able to sit down and go through all the clothes and pick out what I think will fit Lauren and have set them aside. I plan to wash them all in hypoallergenic detergent today and get them ready to be packed. I am taking 12-18 month clothes. Since she was in 9 month clothes at 15 months, I'm guessing she will be in 12-18 months clothes at age 21 months. I'm bringing diaper cloth pins that Donna recommended to sinch up any waistpants that are too big. I'm hoping to get an update from my agency regarding Lauren's wt/ht. before we go. If all else fails, we'll just go shopping in China! :)

7) I printed the packing list that Donna used for her trip. Thanks Donna for sharing all your tips,etc.! I plan to go off of her packing list and tweek it specifically for our trip. I'll post this later for my bloggy friends who will be leaving just behind us!

8) More paperwork was filled out, signed, and sent off to Missouri and then to China.

9) Searching for the best flights available within our tentative times. By the way, mom makes an awesome travel agent! Thanks mom! :)

10) Each night I go to bed I know Lauren is just starting her day in China and I pray for her day and am praying God prepares her heart for our arrival and the huge changes to come.

Last night, as I closed my eyes, I could almost feel her in my arms and what it will feel like to kiss her fingers. Parenting is humbling and has caused me to rely on God even more lately. I want what is best for Lauren and only God knows this, so I rely on Him to show me.

Thank you God for this miracle in our lives, you truly give life abundantly....

Care Package

First of all, let me Thank Stephanie for this beautiful blog makeover! She is absolutely wonderful and I cannot express how thankful I am that I have met someone as special as her on my Journey to Lauren.

Things are happening quicker than I can keep up with here. Monday we got the FedEx package, Dan and I excitedly ran to the couch and opened it,only to find most of the information was in Chinese! :) I could decifer from the lab results that she was doing great,however, she most likely had a cold at the time and she was a little anemic (which is very typical at her age). We were told we would need to wait approx. 2 weeks for the translation. However, Yesterday, I received the translated information via email!

Lauren is doing soo great! She is talkative, likes music and dancing, likes to play with toys and especially dolls. She was able to scribble, hold a lollipop in her hand, walk up and down stairs, and the list goes on! They really gave us a lot of information. I also found out that our referral pictures and wt/ht. information is from when she was 15 months old. So, she's probably grown some since. As a side note, after I read the details of who Lauren is and what she has been going through, I broke down and cried for the first time. I love her so much already.

I found an awesome site through Seventh Diamond called redthreadchina.com. I sent a care package to Lauren using this site. The pictures of the items I chose are pictured above. It includes, a disposable camera, candy for the nannies, a letter, a music bear, a photo album, and a pink and white blanket. Ann is the lady who runs this company and she is wonderful! I wrote a letter to Lauren's nannies which Ann will translate and deliver with my care package. I also sent her 6 photos that she will download and put into the photo album. How awesome,eh??

I just wanted to share also, the amazing peace I have felt since Friday. I always wondered how I would be able to stand the 6-8 weeks of waiting after seeing my sweet Lauren's face. However, I am so at peace that Lauren is happy and healthy. Don't get me wrong, I cannot wait to get my hands on her, but I just wanted to share how I was doing.

Make a Smilebox photobook

Guizhou

While waiting for our stork to arrive tomorrow to deliver more information about Lauren, I have found the information below. Guizhou is the province of China where Lauren is. It's humid and rainy most days and today's weather forecast is 46 degrees with 20% rain, thunderstorms are to come later this week. Also, thanks to the good eyes of my best friend Jen, I have found out that the cage behind Lauren in one of the pictures, is a bird cage! Jen spotted the bird and to my relief, I saw it too and now know that Lauren has a little bird friend..and that that is not her crib! yeah! :)


Guizhou:

The terrain is rugged, with karst formations, underground rivers, jagged peaks, dramatic valleys, and terraced rice fields. Guizhou, with its rich historic heritage, has spectacular waterfalls, national forests, and awesome scenery. The major cities include capital city Guiyang, Zunyi, Anshun, Duyun, Kali, and Liupenshui.

Thank You Terri, Mary, and Stephanie!

I just got home and had a beautiful flower arrangement waiting for me! Thank you "Lauren's Aunties!!" What an amazing group of friends I have. Lauren is loved by so many and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Our Miracle....

I will not make you wait any longer!! Here she is!! :)

Thank you God...

WE GOT THE CALL!!!!!!

My morning started with thinking, well, it's friday, we probably will have to wait to get the call next week. I then went to work were I was taking my ACLS certification class and checked in on my email from a computer in the library. I saw a message from Stephanie and froze. She said people were getting calls! Oh my gosh! My body started to tremble, I felt nauseous, and grabbed my phone to make sure I hadn't missed a call. nothing. I then went into my class, told the instructor right away that I was expecting a phone call and If I got it I would be leaving!! Well at 0930 I got the call! I went into the hospital Lobby where a pianist was playing "How Greath Thou Art" in the background and I asked as many questions as I could think of about our daughter.

I then called Dan and we went through a whole spectrum of emotions on the phone together. Dan was driving to work and yelled out "I can't teach now!" :)

I then called my mom and talked like a chipmunk on speed I was so excited to tell her all I knew.

Then I went back into the classroom numb and in shock and the whole room stopped and cheered and clapped. I entered the classroom thinking I was getting my stuff and going home, but then just sat down! I knew Dan wasn't going to be home until later and I thought, well, I guess I'll finish this certification now, I need to right? As I sat there I thought, am I a bad mom! It felt all so surreal! I've heard of so many other's getting their call...but I got MY call!!! Lauren swirled through my mind and I couldn't eat lunch or think of anything else but... I am a mom!!

I just got home, Dan called and is on his way and we will then open our email together and see Lauren's face for the first time.

Here is what I know so far:

Her Chinese Name: Zhen Yu Yao
Birthday: August 5, 2007 (19 months old)
Providence: Guizhou
Orphanage: Social Welfare Institute of ZhenFeng county
Height: 27.6 inches
Weight: 15.6 pounds

The CHI social worker said she was looking at her picture and she looked "sad", but that I would bring a smile to her face soon. (this makes my heart cry). I noticed that her weight is well below the normal for her age, but I also know that the growth charts are different for asian girls and also that she will pick up her weight once we get her home.

The biggest heartbreak is that she is 19 months old. Since we had said as young as possible and no older than 12 months, I was expecting a little one who hadn't been waiting so long. I think of all I have done and all she has gone through without my being with her. Her first birthday, etc. I love her soo much. I want to be in China right now.

As soon as Danny gets home we will look at our daugher for the first time. I have the most amazing husband and I can't wait to see him be a daddy.

I will post her picture tonight.

I am filled with love, and tears, and wonder....

No call yet...

I have never checked my email, phone, or rumor queen more than I have the past few days!! Dan's cell phone broke two days ago and it was priority #1 to go and get a new phone Stat! He now has a new phone and we both have our cell phones glued to our hips. Thank you all for the emails, calls, etc. I really cannot tell you how much we appreciate having our family and friends brimming with excitement right along with us! :)

Hopefully, my next post is "the call" post!

Pearl River

Mom sent me the link to this awesome organization called Pearl River, I thought I would share it here. Also, check out Amazima ministry, the link is to the right.

While we keep our phones close by and are anxiously awaiting THE call, we are excited and having so much fun dreaming and preparing for our Lauren!

Our agency called the other day while I was at work, I called them back with my heart racing and my co-workers standing anxiously behind me, only to find that they were making sure they had the correct phone numbers and to see if I had any questions. I swear they are trying to send me over the edge! :)

I'll keep everyone posted as soon as I know anything!

Faith & Signs

I found I had time for a run yesterday and was so thankful for this much needed time to be alone and reflect. The weather was perfect, wisps of clouds and 70 degree weather. As I tuned out the world, watched the birds and rabbits, listened to my favorite tunes, my mind was able to reflect on these past 4 years of waiting for Lauren. The highs and lows, the doubts, patiently listening to strangers give their advice, the inspiration of friends and family, the friendships I have found on the way...the realization washed over me that we are next. Next to recieve our referral, next to see Lauren's sweet face.

My mind at times wandered also to how against all common sense our move is. At a time where the economy is faltering, people are losing their jobs... at a time that we should be saving...we are about to deplete our savings account and go to China. God reminded me at this time, of his clear signs he gave us at the beginning that seem so long ago now. The drive home from our Memorial Day camping trip in 2005, the night drive to San Diego a few months later, where Dan and I got chills the sign was so clear. The sign that we were to walk in faith and start the process of adopting our Lauren.

Well, little did I know I would be recieving another sign at the end of my run. As my mind swayed between doubt and excitement, I noticed school was just letting out as I ran by. Dollar signs, calculations, thoughts of my uncle who just lost his job were swarming my mind and then the sign...

A little 4-year-old Chinese girl with long black hair, pink pants and a flowered top came running right toward me with her arms stretched out..running as fast as she could with a huge smile on her face and looking what seemed to be directly at me. As she got closer I could hear her voice over my music saying, "Mommy!!" My heart dropped and tears almost sprang up. In seconds she ran just past me to her mom that was just behind me. I instantly looked up to the sky and knew God was giving me a glimpse into my future and letting me know, it will all be worth the wait and that God is in control. I will never forget these signs from God. He has been amazing over these years.

Thank you all who have followed our journey to Lauren. Please know you will be the first to know when I have seen her face. :)

I love all of you and am so thankful for your encouragement, letters, cards, friendships, encouraging words, and most of all for your Faith.

Waiting

Being next on our agencies list has brought me to a new level in this waiting process. What was once on the back burner, is now nearer than ever. What my heart guarded, my dreams and thoughts are now unchaining. Visions of her hands, her smile, her eyes, her laugh, surround my dreams these days. I still have yet to open completely, but the reality is there like never before...I am soon to be a mom.

Recently, I've also found myself drawing closer to God. Reading books I haven't read since my mission trip to India. Books like Keith Green's "A call in the Wilderness" and Amy Carmichael's "A Chance to Die". I find God giving me strength during what is one of the biggest faith steps I have ever taken. Because, accompanying my dreams of Lauren, are doubts and fears. Fears that she won't love me back, fears that attachment won't occur. Fears...which I know are the opposite of faith. I continue to push the fears aside and wait and believe that the words I heard from God years ago, are still true today.

An additional challenge lately has been my pediatric rotations for school. I am thoroughly enjoying the children and learning all I can to provide the best care I can for them. However, each time I sit and talk to a mom about the importance of attachment, benefits of breastfeeding, Trust vs. Mistrust phase of infancy, evidence that leaving a child to cry for long periods of time is not healthy...my heart tightens.

Dan and I watched Fireproof tonight and when I heard this song by John Waller, I thought, I've got to put that on my blog. The words could have been written by me right now.

Happy CNY!

We're just two water Ox, waiting in the year of the Ox, for our little Rat. :)

Not Us..This Month.

Just an update, the batch was not "us big", however, the CCAA has sent out referrals and they are now up to March 2, 2006. We are the next referral group for our agency, so we are very very close!! The next referral batch will go out around the beginning of March, so we will see if Lauren is matched with us at this time. For now, we are baby proofing the house, lowering the crib mattress, and thinking and praying for Lauren. As she lays in her crib, we are comforted by knowing God is with her.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, excitement, and anticipation! I will keep you updated!

Time

After almost 3 years of watching from afar, there are signs that our time is just around the corner. Surreal...I sit at the computer putting in my school schedule and in the back of my mind, I wonder which day I will seat myself on a plane that will take me to my daughter. As I input my school dates, Dan is playing our messages from the bedroom. It's our adoption agency wanting to let us know we are very close to being matched and they want to talk about this next step for us. Us...they are calling us. I then check "Rumor Queen" and she is talking about rumors of a possible large batch this next month. How big? Us big???

Happy New Year!

(Dossier's being moved ahead! I wonder if one of these is ours!)

I hope you all had a great Holiday season! Dan and I had a fantastic time! I worked a lot the week of Christmas so that I could take some time off the following week (trying to save all my PTO for our trip to China). It was the first year we didn't put a tree up, which felt strange, but since we were not going to be home much it didn't seem to make sense to put up a tree. The 28th we celebrated Dan's brother's wedding and the 29th we headed up north to the Red Setter Inn. Ahhh...there is nothing like this place! We took the owner's up on their offer of free snow shoes and had a blast trekking through the snowy trails. Skiing was the best we have ever had as well. LOTS of snow and we had such a great time skiing, laughing, and falling together. :) I will post pictures soon. I don't have them downloaded off the camera yet.

As far as our little Lauren goes, we are getting closer! If you don't already know, the CCAA is now up to February 28, 2006. We are March 7,2006. So, Lauren has most likely been born, left by her loving birth mother in a safe place, found by a chinese man or women, and placed in the arms of her nanny at the orphanage and now awaiting us. From video's of orphanages in China, she is most likely enjoying tummy time at least once a day and is surrounded by her friends who, like her, are waiting for their mommies and daddies to come hold them and love them forever. We're coming Lauren!I can't wait to see your face for the first time. :)

My Favorite Time of Year

I love this time of year. Memories of Grandma's kitchen, laughing with family around a game of Monopoly or Trivia Pursuit, Dad kissing mom under the misseltoe, my cherished 3-story Barbie house gift, the year Rudolph got in the house and we found the kitchen chairs flipped upside down with carrot pieces scattered, waiting FOREVER for mom and dad to get ready so we could go downstairs and see what santa brought, the night I heard Santa say "ho ho ho" and I froze in bed and squeezed my eyes shut hoping he wouldn't know I was still awake, helping mom make pies, snuggling with dad after a big meal and learning about football and hearing dad yell at the ref's, walking down to the "corner store" to get last minute items, standing out in the quiet, cold, snow-filled night and looking in on my grandma's house filled with those I love and hearing the laughter and fun...Christmas is a magical time of year.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I pray you all are surrounded by those you love this Thanksgiving holiday.

As for Dan and I we will start the morning by running the Turkey Trot 5K and then head off to Dan's parents. Friday we will watch the Thanksgiving parade from DVR and put up Christmas decorations (and have a glass of eggnog or 2 I'm sure). Saturday morning I will bake pies and sweet potatoe casserole and we'll head to mom's for our Thanksgiving celebration at her house. Sunday we're going hiking on a new trail that was just created in our neighborhood.

A Step Closer

The CCAA recently matched waiting families with their precious daughters once again, thus moving our paperwork up in line. The cut off date was officially posted as 2/17/06. They are inching toward us and it is all starting to feel a little less surreal. I am watching families who are in China now and cannot even imagine that it will be us there soon.

M2

Having fun with my students last weekend. We are showing our "M2" sign which is the clinical group we are. :)

Need a little comic relief? Look on...

Boy Scout Video

Homestudy

We're off to meet our social worker at Starbuck's for our third homestudy! You know what they say, third times a charm! :)

Our Journey Thus Far

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Homestudy, expenses, doubt...answer.

As I wrote the check for our third home study and watched the market drop yet again, I questioned just how we were going to financially do all of this. Paperwork, plane tickets, mandatory donations, etc. are still to come after spending much of our savings on infertility treatments and our adoption paperwork thus far. As the CCAA moves closer to us, I have been filled with excitement and fear. So Dan and I prayed that God would show us a sign that we were still making the right decision and that we should continue to move forward. After writing the check I went to view our finances online and saw an unexpected scholarship was given to me and $1,200 was deposited into my account. Well, needless to say, we got our reply and we continue to step out in faith!

God is Good!!

By the way the CCAA has now matched up to 2/15/06...we are soo close!(Our LID is 3/7/06) Lauren is most likely born and waiting for us. I pray for her everyday and love her so much! We're coming Lauren!